Greenbrier Academy’s Wisdom Developed by Mike Beswick, Part II
A Story in Greenbrier’s Family Therapy
I was recently facilitating a family workshop, and a father turned to his daughter, and said in an exasperated tone, “why don’t you just stop it?”, referring to her self harm behaviors. Indirectly, he was highlighting the limitations of logic-based therapy; telling people what to do will rarely affect them at a deeper level.
The father’s questioning his daughter’s struggles were not going to be resolved through any kind of logical thought process. What transpired for this man for him to receive his answer was becoming totally immersed in the process of a multi-family group. As he listened intently to the stories of the other girls and parents, old memories were triggered in him, related to his own struggles as an adolescent. He remembered constantly being told what to do, punished, verbally chastised etc. without any corresponding change in his behavior.
The concept that was being discussed in the group setting was the formation of unconscious limiting belief systems, and he made the connection through listening to others, that he had developed early beliefs that he was not good enough, unintelligent, and unable to change. These limiting beliefs persisted into his adulthood, and he recognized that he has a history of never being able to complete projects.
On the final day of the workshop, he came in and reported that he hadn’t done his “homework”, and that in and of itself was the realization that helped him fully understand the concept of limiting belief systems. He instantaneously grasped that his lifelong pattern was connected to these faulty beliefs, and he continually sabotages himself in any situation that requires follow through. He tearfully told his life story to his daughter, who had never seen her father show emotion of a sensitive nature before. This was a dialectic experience for her, as she had always equated her father’s tendency to joke and minimize her issues, as evidence that he didn’t really understand her and therefore didn’t care about her.
Wisdom from Mike Beswick
Here are some quick words we want you to take away that have lasting impact:
- When we see the world through each other’s eyes, we can no longer be enemies.
- Personality is what you display when you are being watched; character is what you reveal when you believe no one is watching.
- Most communication is self-centered, designed for our own power, pleasure or control. Healthy communication and relations focus on empowerment.
- We are all connected. I am partially who I am because of meeting you.
- Don’t take it personally – what people think about you is none of your business.
- Always do your best – it makes a difference.
- Words are like spells. What spell are you going to cast today?
- Never insult the alligator until you are across the river.
- Fear is false evidence that appears real.
- The boy who rides on the back of a tiger ends up in his belly.
- Expectations are always the cause of our disappointment.
- Turn the light on gently.
- Addiction is anything that interferes with your ability to be honest.
- Resentment is like drinking poison to kill someone else.
- If this is the worst thing that happens today, I’m going to have a pretty good day.
- That may not make you drink, but it will make you thirsty.
- We expect the future to be like the past.
- What we call self-defeating behavior is a person’s attempt to manage their life.
- Seeing other people as the problem is the problem.
- Seek first to understand.
- Knowledge speaks; wisdom listens.
- Love is the answer, regardless of the question.
Choose one of these bulleted sayings and apply it today.
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